Remembering Sheila

Sheila touched so many by WHO she was and HOW she lived.

In her unique and wonderful way she was an “Eishet Havil”—a woman of valor with wisdom, kindness, and commitment to family and community--both Jewish and non-Jewish.

          I first came to know her thru Temple B’rith Shalom. Later, with a handful of other women, we created the Chevra Kadisha of Northern Arizona (Jewish Burial Society).

While only one of many who admired Sheila’s direct, honest, positive yet unassuming approach to life, I’m also most grateful for a very personal gift she gave to me.

Long ago, about 1992, we had a lunch date. I had some questions for her because I knew that she had had an adult Bat Mitzvah ceremony in her 50s-- before we had met. Now I was considering doing the same down the road, when I turned 48.

          I opened with, “I’m seriously thinking about a Bat Mitzvah. But I don’t want to commit to doing that until I figure out WHY in the world I’m so drawn to the idea.”

Now Sheila knew I was a Philosophy and logic professor at the local college. Without skipping a beat, and with a big smile, she responded, “For some things we really don’t have to know all the intellectual reasons for why something feels right for us. We should do it—not wait til we figure it all out in our heads.”  Of course she was right. I needed the reminder, and the gentle nudge.

So I had that Bat Mitzvah. To my (and others’) surprise it became yet another step in my becoming a more educated, more committed Jew—and eventually, a rabbi. I still can’t tell you all the reasons….

If I had seen Sheila again before she died, I would have reminded her of the role she played. And told her “Todah rabbah-- thanks so very much: for your friendship, for modeling real wisdom, and real commitment to the best of Jewish values and human values.”

Sheila’s memory is indeed a blessing.

                                                                   Rabbi Nina Perlmutter